I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize