im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, beer. Big fan.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
