She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was like eating out sand paper
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
