Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
