we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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