i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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