as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
