i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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