I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just found puke in my bra..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
