I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
