I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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