Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
