dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He better not be in your backpack
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
