like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
