I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
