4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
