I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
