On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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