Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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