Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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