Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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