I can text with my tongue
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize