when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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