dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why do cheetos always look like penises
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
