You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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