we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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