Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
