Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
