Sry I called you an 8
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
