I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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