I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize