hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
