trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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