Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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