If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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