stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
