i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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