If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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