we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
