I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
