I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
