Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We’re leaving where are you
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