You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize