Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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