I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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