bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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