Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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