Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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