I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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