I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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