Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
