Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
