I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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