Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
