I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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