grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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