Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
