Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
