I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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