it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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