We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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