Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
